U.S. Military To Sell Re-purposed Aircraft Parts as 40-Foot Fidget Spinners
Valparaiso, Florida – It’s official! For a mere $9,000 you can own a fully operational 40-foot fidget spinner courtesy of the United States Military. The Department of Defense is attempting to thin out its nonoperational aircraft by scrapping broken parts and selling them online. Technicians at Eglin Air Force Base are currently dismantling the initial batch of dysfunctional models; 30 UH-60 Black Hawk helicopters. The rotor mechanism from these helicopters will then be re-engineered into a behemoth fidget spinner. Sources tell CRP that certain special editions will even feature LED lights and color patterns. The first batch will be available for purchase by the public on July 4th. Officials expect to quickly sell out, and in the process, nominally recover from years of budgetary deficits.