#BringBackOurGirls – Boko Haram to Consider Exchange

Chibok, Nigeria – Four years ago, the terrorist cell Boko Haram kidnapped over 80 young school girls in Nigeria.  Boko Haram, which translates to “Western Education Forbidden”, claimed they would consider releasing their hostages in exchange for a fleet of fifteen hybrid sedans.

 

“Gas prices in Africa are a serious problem for us” said Dumisani Khamisi, a defender of Allah for Boko Haram “we need a fleet of cars more adaptable than the trucks we currently have.”

 

 

The average gas price in Nigeria – $0.46 per liter – is actually lower than the U.S. Average of $0.70 per liter.  So why the concern for costs?

 

“Terrorist operations cost more than one might think” Khamisi went on “generally, most of our expenses include weapons and keeping hostages alive. Hostages require at least as much work as a pet dog to keep alive, so when you have over eighty of them, it adds up”.

 

“Also,” he went on “we want people to know that while we despise the West, and will not rest until their blood fills the ocean, we are not ignorant. We care about our environment and our impact on it.”

 

“And the newer model hybrids come with a lot of great features…our trucks don’t even have an AUX port. I know.”

CRP met with the local affiliate leader, Masamba Abimbola, to learn more about this issue.

 

“Frankly our old truck fleet is outdated” he said in an interview with CRP “and we’re looking to move our operations into the twenty first century, and part of that is environmental protection”.

 

Abimbola laid out an entire platform of new changes for Boko Haram moving forward including investing in more advanced blade sharpening equipment to expedite executions and a new employee evaluation method to begin next fiscal quarter.

 

When asked about the exchange itself, however, Abimbola was not as clear.

 

“We still need to work out the rate of exchange” he said “but we are reasonable. We are looking for only one hybrid for every two girls, to bring the fleet to around 40. This will be enough to ensure all of our fighters will at least be able to car pool on their way in”.

 

When asked if Boko Haram would consider other vehicles, Abimbola said as long as they meet strict environmental quality standards, Boko Haram would be willing to consider other options.

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