Chris Christie Washes Ashore on Closed NJ Beach
Ocean County, New Jersey – On Friday, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie ordered all of the state’s beaches closed — a reaction to the state legislation’s failure to pass a timely budget. In a strange turn of events, Gov. Christie was seen washed up on the shore of the Island Beach State Park early Sunday morning. Christie, clearly exasperated, struggled to breathe as the tide pushed his doughy body further onto dry land.
A number of people (later confirmed to be his family), looked on in horror as the Governor’s usually moist skin dried in the oppressive summer sun. One man even attempted to grab Christie by the legs and drag him back to the ocean where he may join his fellow sea mammals. The effort proved to be too difficult, as Christie had quickly bloated to an extreme size and emitted a foul odor.
Christie’s body will likely remain on the beach until New Jersey legislators complete a budget for this fiscal year.