An Estimated 30 Million Blinded, FEMA Prepares For National Emergency Following Solar Eclipse
Charleston, S.C. – A team of South Carolina National Guard soldiers unload a truck filled with tents and food to a nearby field. The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) has been quickly deploying rapid response units across the United States in preparation for tomorrow’s solar eclipse. A recent report showed that nearly 9 percent of the population were wholly unaware of the dangers posed by staring directly into the sun.
“Our worry is that, by the end of the day, we will have 30 million people blinded by the solar anomaly”, said FEMA Administrator Brock Long. “I’d like to say that I’m surprised, but I would be lying.”
As a precaution, President Trump has mobilized FEMA units and urged National Guard troops to standby. The agency has also handed out whistles to communities who were deemed “at risk”. CRP was told that the whistles will be used to locate people who have permanently burned their retinas by staring at the sun.
CRP feels that it is necessary to remind our readers to not look into the sun. It may seem like a cool thing to do. Don’t do it.