Paul Ryan to Promote Healthcare Reform with New Body Building Calendar
Washington, D.C. – After numerous failed attempts to repeal the Affordable Care Act, House Republicans are resorting to a new tactic. Sex appeal.
Paul Ryan (R-WI), best known for his “creamy milk-white calves” and “sinewy frame”, has taken to the centerfold once again. Last photographed in Time magazine’s article titled, “Paul Ryan: All Pumped Up for His Closeup”, Ryan is prepared to use his body once again.
“We have a duty to do whatever it takes to fix the flawed healthcare system in the United States. Unlike the democrats, we are willing to do what is absolutely necessary. I shouldn’t get all of the credit though…” Ryan was recorded as saying late Thursday night, “…Mitch came up with the idea”, referring to Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY).
Congressional Republicans have reportedly agreed on a swimsuit calendar featuring Ryan, former Florida Governor Jeb Bush, and Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL).
“We’re trying to turn up the heat on the Dems and Rubio really adds that Latin flare to the calendar”, stated McConnell in a press release early Friday.
Ryan has recently donned sketcher shape-ups in Congressional committee meetings to, “prep the money makers”. Likewise, Rubio has been seen greasing his body with baby oil in-between conferences.
The GOP hopes to use this calendar to garner public support for their next attempt at healthcare reform. The final calendar will be available online at www.gop.gov on May 20th. If you want a copy of your own, it will cost you $17.76, with all proceeds going directly to President Trump’s kickstarter project to fund the border wall.